After I published the other night’s post, “Nothing from Nothing,” I went back outside to the Patio Cigar Lounge (Open 24/7) and began to examine my plight. I fired up another cigar. I sank into the chair and remained there practically motionless as dusk silently edged into night. I’m slowly writing this via solar lamp.
As the sky continued to darken, I was able to fleetingly grasp the reason why I was “out of words, ideas, anecdotes, tidbits of observations” for my daily post that particular day. It began to register that my mind had been dominated by my own expectations. And as I sat staring at the light glinting off the magazine paper and reflecting bright fuzzed shards back to my eyes, I understood that I allowed something entirely out of my control to seize my creativity – to hold me hostage in an atramentous void of abject silence.
I won’t go into what I was expecting, but I positively knew that this is what held me back. My influential muse would tell me, “You’re giving over a tremendous amount of power to this that you don’t have to. You are choosing to relinquish absolutely all that is you – and that can’t happen unless you permit it.”
I ruminated. I mulled it over. I pondered the situation. The solar light was unable to keep up with the night as it grew deeper into darkness. But my body began to ease up just a bit. It was getting so late I knew that my hope had begun to already fade. So my anxiety lessened. It wasn’t going to happen. And I never had any control over it at any time in the first place.
I’m finishing this up inside in the office. I am still waiting for “it” to happen. But the late hour tells me – it simply isn’t going to. But know the show must go on!