Monthly Archives: December 2017

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

garage bourne

There are only a few more hours of 2017 left on the calendar.  And what do you think this cigar broker is doing to pass the time?  Easy.  I’m in the PRESTO Cigar Lounge (Open 24/7) flipping through movie clips of the Jason Bourne series having a cigar and freezing my ass off.

Thanks for your support for reading “The Blog.”

I’ll have new material starting January 1st, 2018.

This new year is going to be a doozy.  I’ve changed everything.  Scheduling.  Shops to visit.  Cigars to represent.  And best of all, I have made a commitment to myself to have FUN in 2018!  I hope you are here to experience the changes because they are draconian in nature.  They may be subtle, but they are transforming as I write this very post.

Keep your eyes on www.irvcigarbroker.com and enjoy.  Especially IRV TV!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  Peace and Love.  Peace and Love.

Irv

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzw6A2WC5Qo

Just go with it.

frigid irv

(For full effect, first click the link below, then click the post.  Enjoy the read.)

When the temperature outside is below zero, my desire for smoking a cigar goes up proportionately.  The above statement is not born of a scientific conclusion but rather an emotional one that has been proven three days in a row.  Now whether or not that is considered a conclusive psychological finding I can’t really say, but I do know this, I found myself standing in the PRESTO Cigar Lounge (Open 24/7) right smack dab in front of the heating element that was glowing as bright an orange as it possibly produces.  It was on the highest setting it could manage and I was still getting a cold breeze from the air around me.  The question is why was I there?  The answer is because the obscene frigid cold weather was forcing me, drawing, pulling me into the garage a.k.a. as the lounge to have a cigar.  I just stood there.  I was freezing my arse off without a book, without a magazine, without a notepad, just the radio playing great oldie tunes 87.7 FM, and the bloody cigar – sucking in frigid smoke, trying-to-heat-up-the-air drawing through the leaves and I actually was not all that uncomfortable!  But this is the third day in a row I have done this and if this arctic cold stream continues to flow through the Midwest, I’ll find myself at the PRESTO Cigar Lounge (Open 24/7) for the next few days. What is it? It’s bleedin’ insane that’s what it is.  But it’s as if I have no choice whatsoever. My son took the picture and his buddy thought I was going mad.  Well, that is a possibility.  Isn’t it? Or could my hypothesis be true?  Who’s going to prove me wrong? What am I going to do?  I guess I’m going to prepare for the worse and continue to dress as warm as I can and go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.   Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it. Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.   Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.   Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it.   Just go with it.  Just go with it.  Just go with it. 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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7lduM861hE&t=70s

(New Posts begin 1.1.2018)

Dry cigar from 2015 sates jonesing.

dry nbk

Shit.  Shit.  Shit.

That’s all that went through my mind as I rummaged through every pocket I had.  I know I put it in my coat pocket and that’s what I was looking forward to after visiting my Mom. But no matter how many times my hands plunged into every cloth orifice, it wasn’t there.  

Damn!

So what do I do?  No cigar for the trip home.  Son-of-a-bitch.  Yes.  I was angry. Sometimes after visiting my Mom, I’m so depressed the cigar is all I have to look forward to.  Golden years my ass.

Ok.  So I could have gone back to the facility and retraced my steps, but I decided not to. I would be homebound – sans cigar.  Damn.  Damn.  Damn.  

Then the memory light went on.  Wait a minute.  I had to take my insurance card out of my plastic bag in the car where I keep important documents the other day and if memory served me correctly there were two NBKs from Black Label Trading Company in there mixed in with all the papers.

I slammed open the glove compartment and pulled the bag out and lo and behold if there weren’t two of ‘em.  Now keep in mind, these have been in the car since 2015 when they first came out.   Why I kept them in there is simple – I forgot about ’em.   But now, now!

I opened the bag and took one out.  I slipped off the cello and the label came off as well. It looked ok to me.  Yeah, it was dry.  But it had been in the plastic bag so I reckoned they couldn’t be that bad.  Could they?

I didn’t care.   I wanted a cigar and I was going to have a cigar so I snipped off the cap and I will admit it was like a stick of sand.  Specks of dried tobacco leaf floated onto my jeans.  I took my torch and lit that mother up.  Poohey.  Yeah.  Dry.

What kind of satisfaction was I going to get?  I didn’t care about that either.  I was going to have a cigar on my way home – period.  I put the car in drive and away I went puffing and laughing like a lunatic who just escaped from the insane asylum.

Draw?  Not bad.  Flavor?  Acceptable.  Would it hold up?   Two years plus without the proper humidification, what should I expect?  I grappled with my phone.  I needed a record of this.  So I’m swerving and smoking flipping my vision from the road to the screen.  Taking a picture while I’m speeding down the expressway may not be the wisest decision I’ve made in the last 24 hours.  But I was maniacal in my quest.

I took one shot.  Blurry.  I took another.  I looked like a goon.  I took another.  All this time I’m actually enjoying the smoke.  It was different.  The oils had dried up, the wrapper was beginning to crack but I just kept on my merry way.

Finally, I took a .jpg that was totally unexpected.  That’s it!  Use it.  It’s all I got.

Eventually, I get it where the burn is straight, the draws are beginning to moisten up.  I’m in cigar heaven. Best smoke on earth?  For now.  You betcha.

Twenty-seven degrees.  I have the window cracked open.  I’m smoking a two plus-year-old cigar and I’m enjoying it.  “He likes it!”  

I pull into the driveway.  I pitch it.  Sparks fly as the dry remnant hits the branches of the bushes.  I’m ready to go inside.  I turn.  Wait.  Backseat.  There.  On the floor.  My cigar.

Shit!  Shit!  Shit!        

Scheduling the coming months.

straight cut

Scheduling the year can be pretty simple. Or it can be like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle with the picture side down.  That’s what I did today. I look at last year’s calendar and see how it worked out  This year was a good year.  But there were a lot of changes and challenges that really disrupted the flow of my original scheduling.  But overall, it was a sound roadmap to a very profitable year.

As you know independent cigar broker’s get paid on commission.  And only commission. If we don’t sell, we don’t get paid.  So the less travel and confusion the better it is for financial gain.  I get a kick out of these guys who say they want to be independent cigar reps.  They haven’t a clue what it involves.  Romance.  Give me a break.

I started out slow.  Just a few states.  Three to be exact,  Illinois, Indiana and Wisconsin. All close by and with very little overnight travel.  Then as the saying goes, more is better so I   began to add states. I ended up at the peak with nine states.  Nine.

And for about five years, I covered nine states.  I was away from the family every other week.  And at first, it was great. And then the bottom fell out of my psyche and I began to melt like the wicked witch at the conclusion of the Wizard of Oz.  Yeah, the money was great, but becoming a patient at the local hospital wasn’t.  

And I have to emphasize that this was my idea.  No one told me to go to nine states.  But I figured more states equals more money.  And guess what.  It’s true.  But my gut was talking to me and figuratively begged me to stop the madness and I did.  Cold Turkey.  Put the brakes on that fast and the trash in front is going to hit the windshield.  But I survived the crash.

So now with a manageable four states, I still have to deal with my ailment, that’s with me for the rest of my life (thank you broker madness), I can move my business around if you will to accommodate the stars.  And flexibility is what I fear losing the most.  And that usually comes under the guise of a sales manager.

Phooey on them!  I worked for a guy once that worked for a guy who knew a manufacturer who told him that if he hired a sales manager like he did, his overall sales would increase by a whopping 60%!  Well, that cigar company is on its last legs and the percentage increase was a myth because independent brokers do not need sales managers.  If the owner isn’t involved in the everyday affairs of a boutique cigar business that brand is doomed to fail.  And I don’t care how successful the brand is right now.  Sales managers are bristly burrs on the inside of an independent reps gut.  I know. Oh Lord, I know.  I follow one simple rule.  Guess what it is?  

So, I am done.  The year is in pencil.  I know I’m going to have to change things around, but this gives me a very straight cut on what I have to do.  (Yes, I would love to rep New York, but my accent would give me away.)

 

Magical Cigars. Mythical Chanel.

oscar-display

Cigars have to stand out in order to be noticed.  Especially in today’s marketplace.  It’s simple, there are just too many cigars out there.  So we have a marketing problem.  It really doesn’t matter what the cigar tastes like at first sight.  It’s that first look that is going to attract the consumer.  

Every company also has the answer, too.  Oh yes.  Every manufacturer will tell you straight out that their band will produce eyes like Margaret Keane painted.  Trouble is, it ain’t so.  If that were the case every cigar would be noticed and hopefully plucked out of the box and purchased.

So what to do?  The creative imagination has to be revved into top gear.  And this trend toward intellectual magnetism has gotten so competitive that it’s almost a miracle when someone comes along and actually does it right.

One perfect example is The Leaf by Oscar.  When that cigar was first introduced to the public at the IPCPR a few years ago, the first impressions was “Damn, that is one ugly m@\$#F+-%*”g cigar.  It’s a gimmick.  Even if it was a hollow attempt to draw your attention, i.e. the cigar had to be trash.  Truth be told, I thought the same thing when I first saw it.

Here’s the kicker – the packaging of a tobacco leaf wrapped around a gorgeous cigar ignited interest.  It not only grabbed your attention but the cigar held up.  Not only in construction but in flavor.  But what’s the true test on any cigar?  Consistency.  And this ugly duckling passed that test with flying wrappers.  The idea was a one-in-a-million shot and it passed passivity.  Its unique, pre-wrapper insights intriguing interest so well that it has to be considered one of the best selling boutique cigars on the market today.  And so far that popularity is edging its nose right into Tomorrowland.

Another bullseye is by Black Label Trading Company by creating bands with a Gothic theme that draws your vision away from the traditional paper rings.  One such inception is been branded with a name that kills  – or at least stings (excuse the pun) – Killer Bee. This little gem has a cap that resembles the muted yellow and matte black (Connecticut or Habano and Maduro) stripéd abdomen of those nasty buzzing picnic pests.

Yet, some just don’t get it and go with the traditional gold-embossed bland band that is easily overlooked.  It’s not an easy task where the attention span of the average human mind is approximately eight seconds.  That doesn’t sound like a lot of time and it isn’t. But that’s all the time a cigar maker has to turn your head from the competition.

All businesses do something that will assimilate their product into your consciousness amid the vast wasteland of the continuous din that surrounds us every second of our lives.  One glorious and brilliant example is in the November issue of Vogue magazine. The product is about 96 years old.  The name is synonymous with social class and is so recognizable one might think the marketing magicians on Fifth Avenue would be out of ideas by now.  But they are not.

new chanel

“Introducing Gabrielle Chanel,” the newest addition to one of the most – if not the most – popular fragrance company in the history of perfumes (excluding the oldest scent still being offered today –  Eau de Cologne.)

So how did the advertisers set this new scent apart?  It started with tactile accentuation. The paper is about four times the thickness of the magazine’s standard paper.  So you just go there.   On the first page is printed “Introducing Gabrielle Chanel.”  You can’t miss it due to the page’s thickness.  Flip the page and to the left is a model that seems to be staring at the page to its right.  And on that page is a perfect photo of an oversized bottle of the fragrance.  To its right toward the edge is a graphic of a smaller bottle sprouting a miniature tab with an arrow pointing up.  What will everyone do?  Pull the tab.  And when they do, they are immediately immersed in the heavenly scent of Gabrielle. Brilliant.  

Flip that page over and the reader is greeted to two more pictures of this new product. The pages then return to their normal thickness and if you wish to read further, you are hit with another add for a book all about the famed covers of this iconic fashion magazine.

That my friend is the epitome of getting your attention.  And that is what marketing is supposed to do.  Some will.  Some won’t.

It’s not just the blend be it perfume or cigars.  It’s having the imagination and the intestinal fortitude to toddle down the path of precious moments of courage you believe in.

We are the People.

the preamble

Anyone remember the television show “I’ve Got A Secret?”  It was hosted by Garry Moore (1952-1964).  The gist of the program was that four panelists would try to guess what an ordinary contestant did.  And believe it or not, Garry smoked a Winston cigarette throughout the entire show.  Eventually, Winston became a sponsor.  

Dean Martin puffed on his cigarette at the conclusion of his long-running (1965-1974) variety show.  No one really knew if he was a little tipsy or not, but the red glow was omnipresent as he told sexually suggestive jokes and rambled on about whatever he thought was funny.

Irv Kupcinet, the Chicago columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times, smoked a cigar throughout his talk show that was launched in 1943 and stayed on the air for six decades.  The show was on Saturday nights and I can still remember staying up until 2 am watching it as he and his guests discussed the matters of the week.

Each show was the first of its kind and of course, smoking wasn’t prohibited.  In fact, smoking back then was considered “normal.”  

It wasn’t until the Surgeon General, C. Everett Koop, came out with his “1988 Report when it was (revealed) that nicotine has an addictiveness similar to that of heroin or cocaine (that he was to be remembered forever).  Koop’s report was somewhat unexpected, especially by those who expected him to maintain the status quo in regard to his office’s position on tobacco products. During his tenure, in 1984, Congress (already had) passed legislation providing for new, rotated health warning labels on cigarette packs and required advertising to include the labels.”  The 1988 reveal was the first nail in the coffin of our liberties of choice.

Point?  It only takes one person’s opinion who has a modicum of power to change the world.  And change the world of smoking he did.  And all the sheep began to follow.

So it is with all seriousness that we, as smokers of cigars, can also change the world.  Yes, we are living in troubled times, but having a cigar or two is not that far up the ladder of legislation to cause such a maelstrom of maddeningly frustrating laws when there is so much more to deal with in this crazy mixed-up world we currently live in.  Think New York.

One person can change the direction we are headed.  A direction that has the power to slowly take away our civil liberties.

The Preamble of the Constitution of the United States reads, “ We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

Perhaps those we have put into office (power) should memorize that phrase, “and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity . . . .”

The Opposite Pull of Desire.

Memory_for_Forgetfulness

Whatever captures my attention does.  TLS November 17, 2017, No. 5981.  The Times Literary Supplement. Page 7.  The title of the article?  “ Sorry, what were you saying?” Not that.  The subtitle?  “Why modernity ignores the past in favour of the future.”  Not that. The copy?  Not that.  What then seized my attention? 

It was the graphic rendition of Reem Bassous’s,  Memory for Forgetfulness (Italics mine) 2015.  Lebanese American, b. 1975.  Acrylic, vinyl, paint, acrylic gouache, milk paint, latex paint and charcoal on canvas.  84 x 72 inches (213.4 x 182.9cm).

Why?

The same reason a cigar I have my sights on that has drawn me into a collision of galaxies that would create a black hole.  And, since not even light can escape the powerful gravitational pull from such a celestial event horizon, how could I even begin to grasp the immense first impression a cigar would generate so mightily? 

When I first tried the cigar I knew there was something about it that had that certain 30s sophistication that is so rarely found in cigars today.  But despite its under-the-table, 21 Club caché, guess what?  No one has smoked this one but the manufacturers, the blender –  and me.  That’s it! 

But to get back to the point I was at when I first saw the cigar – look at the painting.  Go ahead. Get out of the cigar world if only for a few minutes and examine the painting.  Now I’m not one to extol the majority of the abstract artists of today.  It seems anything can pass for art.  Utter nonsense.  It has to drill into and enter the edge of eroticism’s lusty seduction of man’s carnal being to even start that immortal journal.  

Background: “Reem Miriam Bassous is a Lebanese artist. She was born on July 19, 1978; she was raised in Athens, Greece until she was four years old due to (the) conflict in Lebanon. She moved back to Lebanon later that year. At the age of seventeen, Reem attended the Lebanese American University in Beirut, Lebanon, and at the age of 21, she attended George Washington University in Washington, D.C.  There she earned her master’s degree in painting and drawing. She moved to Hawaii in 2006 and became a lecturer at the University of Hawaii.  Much of the artist’s work deals with her memories of the Lebanese Civil War and its aftereffects.   Memory for Forgetfulness, in the collection of the Honolulu Museum of Art, shows the destruction caused by this conflict.” (Wiki) (No relation that I am aware of to the book of the same name by Mahmoud Darwish.)

And no, I’m not trying to convert anyone of you readers to become the next Jerry Saltz.  But it’s keen to know that when Jerry was driving a taxi for a living, he had no idea he would become one of the art world’s most respected critics.  I’m just suggesting that you take a timeout from cigars to mull over my point.  Even Jerry had to take a piss.

So back to the canvas and look at it.  Go ahead stare, no one is paying any attention to what you’re doing right now.  Though, I don’t know.  But I can tell you that it reminds me of what my thoughts may have looked like when I first put a flame to this handsome cigar I speak about and that I now have such affection for.  And I mean real, honest to goodness affection.  Definition: a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. Note the adjective “gentle.” Definition:  i.e. moderate in action, effect, or degree; not harsh or severe.  Assuage. Definition:  to calm or soothe.

Are you getting the picture?  (Pun?)  My thinking was the absolute opposite of what Ms. Bassous painted and what the piece is meant to portray.  It’s supposed to show the horrendous destruction of what the war in Lebanon has caused, not only to its own people but to the land, the buildings, the countryside and the order of what God ordained peace should be.  God does not dictate destruction for or in His Holy Name.

My reaction, my interpretation, my desire was to gather all this confusion and relocate it in my mind as a peaceful, quiet, soothing, undisturbed environment.  I cannot imagine the artist wondering why her portrayal of chaos would bring unto me the feeling of stillness.  I can only go by what my feelings were at the time.

This cigar I speak of is a simple one.  It’s not that pretty or would be considered an adornment for the perfect advertisement.  Think W Magazine – the fashionista’s intellectual juxtaposition of what could be – to what is.

What tobacco?  No comment.  Who blends it?  No comment.  What factory?  No comment.  When is it being released?  No comment.  Tension is beginning to build.  Now we’re beginning to slither back into the ethos of the painting.  Now, this is where we reconnect to the seemingly chaotic world of war.  Of cigars.

Revelation forthcoming.

www.saatchigallery.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmmTy56AxWs&t=140s

(Free Membership required to access)

 

 

Irv CigarBroker creates a website.

new website

I’ve been down in the dumps lately and I wish I could blame it on the weather.  But I can’t.  It’s me.  I’ve let a lot of threads slip through my fingers.  I still hold a pretty good sized hank for all you knitters out there, but it’s been reduced in size and it’s nobody’s fault but my own.

Most right now some will guess it’s that the business is getting smaller.  You’re wrong.  I haven’t had such a good run in ages.  Plus it’s really none of your business save for the fact that this is one cigar broker who is going to stir things up.  It’s fixable.

As you know I have one of the more unusual blogs that I post most days that goes by the name of https://irvcigarbroker.wordpress.com/.  I write and post something every day. Sure, I’ve missed a few, but after writing close to 800 individual articles, I figure I can take a day off now and then.  Plus, I get my fill of cigars.  So to take a step back is allowed.

Which brings me to the positive growth news here.  Months ago my son and I created a website https://www.irvcigarbroker.com/.   I tried to put as much pastrami on the rye as I could and I found that I had just created another job for myself.  So over time, I let it just sit there and go stale

When I first got into writing I had to be fully committed.  I mean typewriter, paper, carbons, mailers, stamps, you name it.  Today, anyone can get on WordPress and you’re perceived as another John Updike, or Charles Adams, or a seasoned journalist, or a magazine editor, or egads – a cigar expert.  It takes very little to create the appearance of being professional and with all the new electronic gadgets that are available, the personal computer is putting recording studios and printers out of business.

So I figured, ah fuck it.  Everyone is doing it.  So why not give it another roll in the hay.  

Well, I’m back on the bandwagon with the site, and I’m going to make it as simple as possible and as entertaining as I can.  Right now it’s new, I just put it online with what current information I feel is important.

Click on it.  And don’t think it’s going to stay as pedestrian as it appears right now.  I have to get the wheels turning and the word out.  Facebook has soured on me.  Will I continue to post my blog https://www.facebook.com/IrvCigarBrokerPage/ Of course?  But I, a glump of fresh bread dough with plenty of yeast in it, will expand.  I will no longer depend on FB.  Nor will I be in the dumps.

Why?  Well, If I wanted to be policed I’d go to Korea or China – or Illinois.  Big Brother is watching and you do not have complete control over what you can do on that media outlet.

My site will be informational, but I’m going to have to tweak it until I get it right just like I did with the blog.  Who wants to read the same old shit 1000 times.  Not I.  So with all the gusto of a frothy pilsner, I’m going to leave you with a high that you will want to share with others.

It’ll have information you cannot find on the other sites.  Why?  Because I’m writing it.

God, how I love the act of creation and the ability to share that with you without restrictions.

Love you all.  Peace and love.  Peace and love.

https://www.irvcigarbroker.com/

Another Momofuku Noodle Bar?

rg trio

Not much to go on here.  But oftimes that’s what makes a raw review so interesting and fun.   Its a brand called  RG Cigar.  The wrapper is Ecuadorian Habano, the binder and the filler are both Nicaraguan from Esteli.  Already it sounds dull, but let’s give it a chance.

The cigar is created by a new kid on the block – Fabricio Ramirez.  Now he may be famous in his country, but not here.  Not yet anyway.  He suggested I try the black label because he claims that it is the strongest.  That begs the question, does that mean the others, there are three are not so strong?  

The draw is just right.  The construction is flawless.  It burns evenly and the volume of smoke is creamy and satisfying.  The ash a powdery gray.  Which leads me to believe that the tobacco has been fermented just right.  The flavors are nondistinct.  No apple wood, cotton candy, or hickory.  But I will say that it has a barnyard lilt combined with a very earthy carry through.

rg cigar

It’s not a bad cigar overall.  One dimensional up to this point and from what my experience tells me that isn’t going to change much.  Which really isn’t all that bad, either.  Sometimes a cigar can twirl so many flavors on your palate that the smoker becomes confused and just plain frustrated.  I’m not at all frustrated.  

The smoothness is consistent without a hint of bitterness.  Which in this case speaks well for a good balance that I’m enjoying tremendously.  My tongue is not burning at all.  So he was right.  I usually have two cigars to compare them with each other for consistency.  Unfortunately, I only have one.  So this is my first impression and that’s all you’re going to get.  I’m pleased.  Pleasantly surprised, too.  If this really is his first crack at it, I believe he may have a future in this crazy business.  Momofuku a culinary brand established by chef David Chang in 2004 with the opening of Momofuku Noodle Bar.  It wasn’t supposed to work – but it did.  Maybe we have another Chef Chang in our midst?