Give Cigars a Chance. Click link below.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9-OtOPt_cU

Cigar coping choice for broker works.

Could be considered a ding.  Or is it a crash. A pileup of thoughts, thinking, mussing, headaches, or smoking an overdose of cigars.  Take a close look at the photo. Yeah. Go ahead take your time. Sometimes the obvious is the last thing we see.  Forest through the trees? Yeah, you get it.

Now tell me what’s missing?  Come on! Play with this for just a few seconds longer.  What the f**k else have you got to do – you’re reading this!  

Thaaaat’s right.  The pad – to the right.  The pad. What’s on it? It would be impossible to determine, so I’ll tell you.  The movie, “Officer Down,” about “A cop’s (Stephen Dorff) shady past (that) comes back to haunt him as he investigates a series of assaults against women at a strip club.”  But look to the left.  Look at the computer screens.  THEY AREN’T ON!  Black as oil. No! I’m watching a MOVIE on “Tubi,” an app offering all kinds of movies for nada! I just bumped into it one day.  But what started me on that expedition for entertainment therapy were DVDs. That’s right. Used DVDs.

Now, If you recall – I write every night.  Every night. I don’t post every night, but I pen something every 24 hours.  But, me? Watching movies instead of writing? Yes. How ashamed I am to admit it.  I’ve been doubling up on my obsessions. No, I’m not going to go weepy and sour on you.  You read this blog for how this cigar broker succeeds and survives in the wild west world of an industry that has effectively been allowed to run amock in cultural chaos.  And this is how I’ve decided to further cope. Redux.

Often I borrow them from the library or I go to Half-Price Books, (and even Good Will shops) to buy used DVDs.  I justify my alleged aberrant behavior because as I said I buy them used. That’s permissible, isn’t it?  Most are two dollars.  I will say I have been known to go up to three dollars for these pre-owned DVDs. (Some library book sales offer them for $1.50!)  I had to do something more in order to survive. Some folks do what they have to do to stay sane.  Some drink, some take drugs, some overeat, some watch sports, whatever. And I have been using my writing skills as my therapeutic ticket to paradise without leaving the confines of the good ‘ol USA and now – temporarily – I’ve decided to rot in front of a TV or a pad

And it’s been extravagantly surreal.  I’ve been watching action films, comedies, foreign flicks, and since they are so inexpensive, I can gamble on purchasing titles such as, “Die Hard with a Vengeance,” “The Pelican Brief,” “Narc,” and “Prestige.”  I also go for documentaries. Just the other day I viewed “Blurred Lines: Inside the Art World,” a look at the underbelly of the art, gallery, and museum industries, yes . . . industries. Or watch an astonishingly insightful pseudo-documentary about who I think is one of the greatest artists of his genre, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and not passing up the opportunity to delve into the life of Quentin Crisp, a man who was never afraid to be himself played by John Hurt in, “An Englishman in New York.”  (What a performance.)

Life can bring on such catastrophic bulls**t!  It’s no wonder people seek diversions to keep them from jumping off Willis Tower when after the windy, silent decent, all he or she will receive is being squeegeed up off the sidewalk as quickly as possible so passersby won’t slip and lose their stride trying to make it to the office or lunch on time.

Yes, I have bifurcated my mode of therapy with a tinge of more movies than articles.  Though I do keep a delicate balance that I expect of myself.

So of course, the movie plots, the characters, the scenery, the director’s viewpoint will intermingle with my cigar essays.  How can they not? It’s actually breathtaking to have available so much intellectual stimulation – books, magazines, periodicals, and now easy access to various subjects from watching all sorts of DVDs.

I would say, this is an exciting moment in time for those of you who do read my articles. How I will mix all these stimuli to connect with the cigar culture is a task I look forward to with great anticipation.  I hope you will be pleased not only with the finished works but with my honesty as well. Peace and Love. Peace and Love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLhD-h1LRQs

Essays, prose, posts. It is all for you.

Does it matter what I write?  To some yes, or so I’ve been told. To others – not a whit.  In fact, they could care less if I live to write another day.  But does that fact and resultant assumption curtail my desire to compose essays and continue to post them at least three times a week?  Again – not a whit.  (I have decided to take the week off due to the  Thanksgiving holiday.  A merry one to all!)

Does it matter what subject I write about?  Even to those who take the time to read?  Of course, to those who are in the dark, they could give a damn.

So what’s a writer to do?  Well, for me the answer is simple – continue to write.  My goal, of course, is to bring those who do care into the world of this cigar broker’s mind.  And if I can somehow attract those who don’t give a damn along – the more the merrier.

Why do I do it?  For me this is therapy.  It clears my head. It makes me think.  For you the reader – entertainment and enlightenment.  And of course, a famous quote adds to my resolve.  Keep in mind what ‘‘The famous French philosopher and mathematician, René Descartes (1596-1650), known as the Father of Modern Philosophy postulated.  Descartes was dissatisfied with the scholastic philosophers of his time. He wanted a fresh look on philosophy and developed his own method of radical doubt. The cogito argument is what Descartes used as the basis of this method to discover whether our beliefs were to be trusted, which led him to the conclusion ‘I think, therefore I am.’” (http://quotes.yourdictionary.com/)

And I would much rather exist than not, so I believe it is imperative that I think! Whether you agree about what I think about or not is a moot point. The fact that you live and breathe is evidence that you too – are.  The difference may be that I have decided to publish my thoughts and share them.

I do find that the blog posts that accumulate the greatest numbers are those that require thinking rather than reaction – or those that prompt a ‘‘What???”  Still, no matter. We are who we are.

So I go on.  And expand.  My website can be accessed at https://www.irvcigarbroker.com/.

Or you can download my app at the Google Play Store, https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.longwelltech.irvcigar

Or the Apple app store.

Or go to https://irvcigarbroker.wordpress.com

Or access my page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/IrvCigarBrokerPage/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel.

Lots of choices.  Keep in mind.  I do this for you – the curious reader.

And, by the way . . .

I am.

Mind games.

It‘s called eponymous.  When you name something after your given name. It’s not like a byline in a newspaper story.  Not at all. It’s more so using your name after a thing, such as a restaurant – Elaine’s in New York, or dare I say it – a cigar.  Having your name on anything is the penultimate in branding. But doing so on a cigar? Think Fuente, Padron, Davidoff. It seems those who have had the confidence to name their cigars after themselves – make it.

Ah, but by no means is it a sure thing.  I won’t list the one cigar wonder or those who thought of themselves as cigar legends or perhaps had the temerity to think that if they were to put their last name on a cigar band it would perpetually seal their fame in the universe.  

Those who choose to place their names on the cigar must have one thing in common – the cigar must be extravagantly exceptional.  The flavors are to be non-duplicatable, or shall we say, unique and above all consistent. The construction must be flawless. That means the torcedor who rolls the cigar is from the carved hand created through experience, love, and sincere devotion not only to the brand owner but to him or her – the artesian.  Self-respect – or pride is justified in the true sense of the word.

Is this rancid arrogance?  No. This is the epitome of joy in who you believe in – yourself.

You must have a vision.   You must see it before it exists.  You must know it will exceed your lifetime. 

******** 

I was reading The London Review of Books, the July 19th issue.  As always, I quickly flip through the slightly thicker pages of the newspaper and mentally tick off the articles that I might have an interest in reading first.  It didn’t take me long to stop cold on page 10. There on the bottom left corner was a one-sixth sized ad for a book.

The title stopped me first, “Pure Hollywood.”  Its cover shot was no larger than two postage stamps in length and one in width.  I could not make out the picture that the title was superimposed upon. White font.  But what I could clearly make out was the author’s name – Christine Schuett.

I felt a feeling in my stomach that took me back to high school when I saw my first byline as a columnist for Roosevelt University’s school newspaper, “The Torch.”   Wow. Paul Schuett.  At least that’s what my mind’s eye saw.  

What the actual author’s name was Christine Schutt – no “e.” But it didn’t matter to me. What I saw was what I wanted to see. On a hardback book. Sold in bookstores everywhere, including New York’s Strand, the length of Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Barbara’s bookstore, and even Hudson’s newsstand in various airports throughout the United States.

My imagination was a Fizzy (look it up).  No, the last name was not on a cigar, it wasn’t even on a book.  But to have either would be amazing.  To think I saw my last name on a legitimate piece of literature gave me goosebumps.  I could almost feel the sparkling bubbles of effervescent energy coursing through my being.

I get it.  I’ve been wanting what I thought I saw for years.  And I will achieve the same.  So I can totally understand the pride and passion of those cigar makers that have become legends.  Not as the goal, but simply by sharing their dedication.  Sharing their love. Sharing themselves.

Click the link.  You will smile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVYXWVs0Prc

The man, the cigar, the pleasure.

This is the longest I’ve experienced writer’s block.  One week now. I’ve gone through others’ blogs, but the fact is the only inspiration I tackled was cigar reviews.  And I’m not a fan of the genre. In fact, a good friend of mine who I met at the show asked if I would critique his newest blend.  Nicaraguan. I smoked one at the show and was duly impressed. Perfectly aged tobacco. A mellow draw. I’m unable to recall the flavors, my palate was somewhat parched by the time I tried it.  That’s why I requested two. His gaze soared toward the sky as he ponied up another one. (See below.  I succumbed.)

I’ve known Luis for many years.  His blending skills, I believe, come to him naturally.  For sure he is a calm soul. He’s had his ups and downs.  But each time he’s knocked over, he simply gets back up and continues to provide the world with delicious cigars.  Some call him “The Mad Scientist.” Interesting moniker. I see him as a man who loves what he does and he never allows the billions of micro-specks of negativity that swirl around all of us to bother him.  

In fact, two years ago I became rattled with the antics of competing shops and purposely drifted toward his booth just to sit and talk with him.  He has that pull on me. We just sat there. I relayed the incident to him and he spoke to me in such a way as to put my mind at ease.

Each year he surprises me with his appearance.  Oftimes he’ll show up sporting a beard, complemented with short hair or distorted with unruly long locks.  Maybe he’ll wear a well-worn hat or no cover at all. But what is consistent is his demeanor. Peaceful. No stress.  Despite the fact that I know he comes to the IPCPR with as much baggage as the rest of us do. He just knows how to manage it.  I envy the mastery of his emotions. Often, I believe that is why he can produce such blissful blends. I could go so far as to say making cigars is his therapy, but I don’t know that.

I don’t many men like Luis.  Each year we talk I bring back some wisdom.  And again this year I not only brought back with me the cigar he wants me to smoke, but also another piece of the puzzle, picture side up.  

As I looked at him this past show, I knew he hadn’t changed.  But I had. Thank you, Luis.

********

Dry draw is earthy.  It’s Nicaraguan. Through and through.  The wrapper is of a deep coffee hue that speaks class and his attention to detail.  I’m smoking the toro.  The Lab Reserve.  Composed from the leaves of nature’s kitchen.  There’s a bit of java speak, but subtle. The ash is gray.  

When I was in Luis’s factory in Tamboril, I will be the first to say size doesn’t matter.  The cigar is tasting large and the draw is just how I prefer it – a bit of resistance that complements the intended flavors.  Damn, does it make a difference? Really? I’ve read so many reviews that you need the imagination of Roald Dahl to really believe what you see on the page.  

Gene Wilder sang it best when he allowed all those little brats into his chocolate factory crooning, “There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination . . . .”  Truthfully the palate can discern certain essences but methinks some of the reviewers have been toking on the same gigantic joint that Cheech and Chong were enjoying in the car in “Up in Smoke” (1978) one of the funniest movies ever made satirizing the drug culture of the day.  “Yeah, man.”

The Lab Reserve has smidges of the Chunky candy bar that doesn’t bite back, releasing a delectable raisin aftertaste.  The draw is remaining consistent and the spice kicks in about halfway.

That’s another one.  Spice. The way that word is bastardized is a shame.  And often the description written gives the smoker who is reading the review the impression of scratchy shards attacking the palate.  Which is where the reviewer’s imagination begins to unwind like a snapped spring in a Swiss watch. What I’m experiencing is a slight taste of moist, subdued white pepper sensation which to me is as spicy as it’s going to get.

The one aspect of The Lab Reserve is its balanced flavor.  For me, Nicaraguan, especially a puro (?), can be a head-twirling high.  I’m not getting that. My palate is comfortable.

Yet, this is a full-bodied cigar.  My take. It all depends on what you’re used to smoking. Love that Chunky raisin flavor followed by mouthfuls of thick smoke leisurely released make this cigar a luxurious retreat.  Drawing back some of the burning tobacco into the nostrils emphasizes the even kilter of his expert blending experience.  

Yeah, as I head toward the end of the smoke, I can confirm that The Lab Reserve is truly a cigar that starts out medium and ends on the aggressive but delightful side of the aged tobacco.  A crème brûlée that’s made to entice at the crunchy beginning and totally satisfy your appetite at the smoother end.

If you missed his booth and didn’t get a chance to try this one, I feel for you because it really is the main plot in a cigar with a genuine story behind it. When Luis creates a cigar, it’s not dumb luck.  It’s years of practice, patience, and poetry.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee.  I gotta stop writing and enjoy this cigar.  Kudos, Luis.

Blue smoke may produce desireable cigar flavors.

As the smoke drifts upwards, the silent swirls of microparticles are brilliantly illuminated by the 60 watts environmentally friendly light bulb that is set in place on a joist in the garage.  

The smoke itself is made up of a variety of chemicals and particles that dissipate almost instantaneously from sight, but the aroma (the clear and positive proof of the existence of microparticles being produced) remains.

The color of the smoke from the initial viewpoint is white.  A clean, luminescent, yet opaque color that has trillions of variations.  We generalize by saying, “white light (smoke) contains all wavelengths of visible light.”* As in comparison, “ Black . . . is the absence of visible light.”*

However, it is a fact that when the conditions and materials (in this case smoldering tobacco leaves) are just right there is a very slight blue hue that 1s produced in the smoke.  The shade cannot be exactly described because it dissipates so quickly, but if viewed from the beginning of its drifting cycle, I would venture to say that the blue is best compared to that of a clear morning sky.  To be glib. Sky blue. And it is quite obvious that clouds and sky are different in color, even the slightest contrast can be detected.

So how does this subtle color difference have anything to do with cigars?  Taste.  Look at the ingredients in smoke if you will:

“Besides nicotine, carbon monoxide, benzene, benzo(a)pyrene and ammonia are found in high quantities in both cigarette and cigar smoke. However, these chemicals are most dangerous when inhaled into the lungs, particularly as a part of (the) mainstream smoke. (Wiki)

“Benzene is the name of an aromatic hydrocarbon, C6H6. In liquid form, benzene is clear, colorless, and flammable. At room temperature, liquid benzene evaporates easily into the air and can dissolve in water.

“Benzo[a]pyrene is a polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbon and the result of incomplete combustion of organic matter at temperatures between 300°C and 600°C. The ubiquitous compound can be found in coal tar, tobacco smoke and many foods, especially grilled meats.

“Aerosol Size & Carbon Monoxide. Earth’s atmosphere contains tiny liquid and solid particles called aerosols.  A concentration of 1 ppbv means that for every billion molecules of gas in the measured volume, one of them is a carbon monoxide molecule.

“Pentavalent ammonia is known as λ5-amine, or more commonly, ammonium hydride. This crystalline solid is only stable under high pressure and decomposes back into trivalent ammonia and hydrogen gas at normal conditions.

“Nicotine is a hygroscopic, colorless to yellow-brown, oily liquid, that is readily soluble in alcohol, ether or light petroleum. It is miscible (capable of being mixed) with water in its base form between 60°C and 210°C. As a nitrogenous base, nicotine forms salts with acids that are usually solid and water-soluble.”  (Google)

“Flame Tests are useful because gas excitations produce a signature line emission spectrum for an element.  In comparison, incandescence produces a continuous band of light with a peak dependent on the temperature of the hot object.

“When the atoms of a gas or vapor are excited, for instance by heating or by applying an electrical field, their electrons are able to move from their ground state to higher energy levels.  As they return to their ground state, following clearly defined paths according to quantum probabilities, they emit photons of very specific energy. This energy corresponds to particular wavelengths of light, and so produce particular colors of light. Each element has a “fingerprint” in terms of its lie emission spectrum . . . .” (http://www.webexhibits.org/)

When this blue hue appears is the guessing game.  It’s rare, but not entirely unpredictable if a cigar smoker is paying attention and the lighting conditions are set tip top right.

I have found that the Maduro and Habano leaves have the probability of this color revelation.  But not consistently by any means simply because conditions are not always perfect.

Does it make a bit of difference?  Well, actually it does. I bring this up because it happened to me the other day while smoking an AltarQ by Oscar.  It has an Ecuadorian Sumatran wrapper.

The smoke draws easily from this cigar and that’s when I noticed the blue-hued swirls rising up through the garage rafters past the light bulb.  A rather dense cloud of smoke I will admit. And that’s when it dawned on me that I have to run a series of observations. I think the AltarQ is a damn good smoke, and I wonder if others I think are “damn good smokes” glow blue.  We’ll see. Or I just might say to hell with it all and enjoy the cigar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS5fN9bo1Vc

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

“Stefano Tonchi, editor of W magazine, has had just about enough, albeit in an unmussed, well-mannered, and not terribly bothered sort of way. It was the afternoon of August 9, the day after the magazine’s owner, the once mythically flush publishing firm of Condé Nast, had called a companywide meeting to run through various ways to save itself (most of which has already been leaked) after losing $120 million last year. Back-office functions were to be merged, seven of the company’s 23 floors at 1 World Trade Center would be sublet, and three magazines — Golf Digest, Brides, and W — were going to be sold. Tonchi had asked me over to his exquisite midtown apartment to explain how the news was “quite liberating in certain ways.” W, you see, isn’t being dumped: It’s more of a conscious uncoupling. It just wasn’t working anymore. And he wanted to give me his pitch for why, in an #influencer-dominated, finger-swipe age, W is, or could be, a viable brand for someone new (and, presumably, rich) to make a fresh start with.” •

Nothing is protected, not even W Magazine.  This is a wry, warm, warning to all the cigar brands out there that think they have it made.  That conjure up thoughts of South Dakota’s rocky Quads, nothing can ever happen to them. That they are too big to be messed around with.  (F**k you GM, Ford made it!)

No product, no industry, no actor or actress, no Rock ‘n Roll band, no sports personality, no structure, no soda, no pizza, no electronics firm, not even the seven wonders of the world are immune to some sort of destruction, change, or deception.

That’s why I laugh when I talk to cigar smokers who give Davidoff, Fuente, Partagas, Padron, or Drew Estate (Gawd!) the same reverence that would be reserved for Gandhi. 

******** 

“But every song’s like gold teeth, grey goose, trippin’ in the bathroom

Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin’ the hotel room,

We don’t care, we’re driving Cadillacs in our dreams.

But everybody’s like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your timepiece.

Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash.

We don’t care, we aren’t caught up in your love affair.

 

And we’ll never be royals (royals).

It don’t run in our blood,

That kind of luxe just ain’t for us.

We crave a different kind of buzz.

Let me be your ruler (ruler),

You can call me queen Bee

And baby I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I’ll rule.

Let me live that fantasy.” *

********

Royals?  K. Ain’t so such animal, person or thing.  Including cigars, blenders, and manufacturers – especially cigars. There’s a brand out there right now that’s kicking some serious numbers around that even the BiG boYs are mystified by.  “How can that be?” The sad part is that the owner of the company is in the almighty powerful vortex of M-O-N-E-Y?  Yes.  Of course.   As well as E-G-O, F-A-M-E, and G-L-O-R-Y.  With a sheltered undeniable interior belief that his touch gives orgasms of ecstasy to the masses of those who just can’t get their ride.  “Cabbie!”

Who would ever have thought that W Magazine, a fashion periodical icon created in 1972 by the publisher of sister Women’s Woman’s Wear Daily, James Brady, would ever be set apart from the Condé Nast Empire?  “Condé Montrose Nast (March 26, 1873 – September 19, 1942) was an American publisher, entrepreneur, and business magnate. He founded Condé Nast, a mass media company, now a subsidiary of Advance Publications, who published and maintained brands such as Vanity Fair, Vogue, and The New Yorker.” (Wiki)

But as written above,  the behemoth of publications lost $120 million last year and is now trying desperately to find a way to stay in the game.  And it is a game. A wild Watusi of fashion overload that is finding itself in the netherworld of Hostess Twinkies brand still undergoing changes and is currently owned by Apollo and Metropoulos who is creating the current Hostess Brands.  But no matter what spongy cake and frothy filling is used, it’ll never be the same.  It ain’t real! Nor will Padron be when the inevitable takes place as it may with Fuente.  

Cash in when you can.  Cash out before being canned.  It’s the razor’s edge of a balancing act that no one can predict:

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.  – Mother Goose

 

 •(Carl Swanson, The Cut.  NYM 8.20-9.2 2018)

*(“Royals” by Little Joe, and Lorde, 2013)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7T64Qo3bdU&list=RDu7T64Qo3bdU&start_radio=1

Level of pain would reduce the number of cigars produced.

Why do bad cigars continue to clutter the marketplace?  I mean, it’s been hundreds of years that the conical tube of tobacco has been manufactured, you would think the blenders would have it down by now.  But Noooooooooooooooo! We, the cigar smokers are continual – year after year – subjected to blends that would make dried cornsilk wrapped in a paper towel taste good.

Well, according to Irene Tracey, director of Oxford University’s Nuffield Department of Clinical Neurosciences, “Other basic sensory perceptions (memorize that word) – touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing, – have been traced to particular areas of the brain. . . . ‘(w)e don’t have that for pain . . . (w)e still don’t know exactly how the brain constructs this experience . . . . ‘“

And what do all reviews of cigars contain?  “Perceptions” of the aforementioned senses. (Except hearing.  Though I once wrote an essay that cigars do speak – figuratively not literally.) Shall we review them?  Of course, let’s drive this home. Cigar reviewers use “touch, taste, sight, (and) smell.” And what are perceptions?  There are several definitions of the word, Google states, “a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.  Or “The ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.”

What is left out?  PAIN! And according to the The New Yorker article “Seeing Pain” in the July 2, 2018 issue, the problem is circular because even though the biology of the phenomenon is real . . . It is “poorly understood.”  Albeit the conclusions above.

So what would be the perfect cigar review?  None, if I had my druthers. But seriously, the most accurate cigar review would be one that is able to measure the level of PAIN!  When you get a cold, your throat may become sore and produce pain. What that level is, is highly subjective. But the fact is, it hurts.  How many times have you been to the doctor and been asked: “On a level of one to ten, ten being the worse, how much pain are you experiencing?”  So you give the doctor your “perception” of the pain. But the fact remains that whether or not the sensation is a one or a five, your response still doesn’t give the doctor an accurate reading.  But it hurts, and that is indeed a FACT!

So in order to review a cigar and bring in the entire range of senses, – the threshold of pain should be considered as one of the senses to take into consideration. But it isn’t. Why? Because as of yet, we have no way to accurately and clinically measure how much pain is being produced.  If we did, the cigar market would shrink to the size of a pea. Or maybe not that small, but the numbers of cigars brought out would decrease markedly. Agreed?

Indeed, Tracey has devoted her working life on how to measure pain.  Many have tried, such as the Canadian psychologist, Ronald Melzack, who began to collect words that his patients used to describe the pain they are experiencing or suffering.  The result of his work was published two decades later now known as The McGill Pain Questionnaire, “a scale comprising some eighty (pain) descriptors – “stabbing, “ “gnawing,” “radiating,” “shooting,” and so on.”  The bump in the road here is that “it’s easy to see how one person’s pain is ‘agonizing’ could be another person’s “wretched.”  And even then, the adjectives used to describe the pain can change within seconds.

Tracey herself has done experiments using a fMRI, an advanced MRI that can map increased blood flow in patients tracking the magnetic impulses of pain with some success.  Yes, there is a direct relationship, but this isn’t a thesis on the subject.

So, despite the slow, and complicated progress, where does that leave us? Right in the middle of the drink. BUT! If ANY pain were detected while smoking a cigar, that would suggest that the cigar producing the discomfort is less than laudatory.  Why would anyone want to smoke something that is going to make them feel ill at ease?  Even a twitch?

So, without any analytically accepted clinical results of an accurate scale of pain, it is impossible to critique any cigar at all.  If, and this is a big if, if the cigar is to be reviewed it should be done with the inclusion of the hierarchy of pain, but it cannot be because there is no way to measure it.  In short, a conundrum of Brobdingnagian proportions has been created.   

The solution?

I would posit that by adding the notion of pain to the mix from the start, this would minimize the number of cigars being produced before they reach the marketplace thus fewer reviews would be published, and we can get on with simply enjoying a good, inoffensive cigar.