Can a man or a woman love two cigars equally at the same time?
Can a man love two women equally at the same time?
Can a woman love two men equally at the same time?
What answers have you come up with?
Let’s start with the last question first.
Second question: Yes.
First question: Yes.
All affirmative. Right? Study this. Don’t just click “Like.” Give this some thought. I’ll be back in about an hour.
Okay. How can they all be “Yes.” Of course, the first was the easiest to answer. The other two – not so straightforward. But there is a justification for the concurrence of question one which slowly trickles down to questions two and three thus providing the affirmative for all three producing the answer.
Emotion: As defined so regally by the Oxford English Dictionary (OED): “A strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.”
The word’s origin is from the “mid 16th century (denoting a public disturbance): from French émotion, from émouvoir ‘excite’, based on Latin emovere, from e- (variant of ex-) ‘out’ + movere ‘move’. The current sense (sic) dates from the early 19th century.”
Emotion: As defined by the Urban Dictionary:
1.A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling. Lust?
2.A state of mental agitation or disturbance. Confusion?
3.The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility (such as love or the love of something or somebody). Honesty?
Emotion: From The New Yorker review of the new book by Lisa Feldman Barrett (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt) “Upbringing has the biggest influence, but we can all reshape our mental makeup and learn new concepts. The latter part of the book considers how doing so can affect our health, the law, and our relationship to the natural world. As Barrett frequently repeats, ‘You are an architect of your experience.'”
Dialectical opposition comes into play when trying to satisfy the answer for (sic) questions two and three. To quote: (concerned with or acting through opposing forces:) “a dialectical opposition between social convention (one man one woman) and individual bravado (liberty).”
READ THIS . . .
What is love? OED states it is “A feeling or disposition of deep affection or fondness for someone, typically arising from a recognition of attractive qualities, from natural affinity, or from sympathy and manifesting itself in concern for the other’s welfare and pleasure in his or her presence (distinguished from sexual love). I’m purposely leaving out the Biblical definition.
CONTINUE . . .
So, it is easy to light up an Isabela and fall deeply in love with its flavor, the aroma, the draw. And it’s just as easy to torch a Jafran and be consumed with its creamy texture, indescribable aftertaste, and the overall experience. All without judgement or guilt! Am I right?
OF COURSE I’M RIGHT! Why? Because no cigar is an emotional being. But what happens when you do involve two real living, breathing, blood-infused humans who possess feelings, moods, and a conscience. Then what? Come on fight with me goddamnit! Then what? Uh? What? Can you love ‘em both? Equally?
Just because you can toss the Isabela or the Jafran or whatever onto the sidewalk or into an ashtray doesn’t mean you can do that to a lover, a wife, or a husband? It’s your emotional conscience that weighs upon your bicameral reasoning that prevents you from getting yourself into such a dreaded situation, but it happens! You can love two people in exactly the same way. Something in your psyche allows you to do it! But social convention – conformity pressures you NOT TO! Why? Societal order?
There is no real right or wrong answer to this one conundrum except to embrace your full range of emotions! Yet, this acceptance does not patently allow you to devour every morsel of what (or who) you love and then go on to the next one and do the exact same thing without feeling guilty. Not at all. Quantity is not the object here. Quality and devotion and the reality of understanding your emotions are!
But then where does guilt come in? To wit: Old English gylt “crime, sin, fault, fine,” of unknown origin, though some suspect a connection to Old English gieldan “to pay for, debt,” but OED editors find this “inadmissible phonologically.” ( From phonology: the branch of linguistics concerned with the systematic organization of sounds in languages.) The mistaken use for “sense of guilt” (was) first recorded (in the) 1680s. Guilt by association was recorded by 1919.” (Dictionary.com)
So it is again the words others use to pile drive a meaning into your heart. It is a word’s etymological origin that causes this epileptic psychological confusion if you will. Its root creation and gradual development can turn sentiment into insensitivity, possession into relinquishment, and acceptance into indecency.
Why is it so easy to love two cigars simultaneously, but that same dual passion becomes a mortal sin when romance and yearning are felt between two different people? Conscience! That bloody, unrelenting emotion that can turkey truss your mind into a sailor’s knot. Conscience is “a person’s moral sense of right and wrong, viewed or acting as a guide to one’s behavior.” And being aware of this mental, emotional phenomenon does not mean that going ahead to satisfy this urge makes you the devil incarnate! It simply means – I decided I can handle this. I accept who I am. I truly feel this sentiment within my soul. What screws it up is you cannot control how the other person feels. You cannot expect the other person to grasp this complex notion you’ve accepted and run with it?
But if they do, if they do – then the answers to all three questions are undeniable. Yes! Yes! Yes! Which, in turn, in my estimation, is that both parties possess that rare, absolute and consummate acceptance of self. My God what a feeling that can be.
All things considered, humans must do what they sense they can (or should?) do – and that is to accept their imperfect, unfailing personal and individual truths that make them who they are. Society be damned!
Shakespeare said it best – “To thine own self be true.”
“Come on, let’s you and me fire one up.”