Option One’s Hidden Ban

Focusing on pages 378-387, my eyes began to widen.  Can this be true?  I sat upright on the bench.  I began mumbling out loud the words that my eyes were seeing.  “As of 8 August, 2016, no hardened silica (glass) vessels and/or ashtrays of any kind will be allowed to be sold, traded or given away as promotional materials.”  What is this?  My eyes are getting old, and I have some challenges seeing at night, but this was as clear as, well, glass.

Is this another blow to our freedoms as cigar smokers?  Why hasn’t anyone mentioned it?  Hasn’t anyone read all 499 pages of the new FDA’s Option One?  This is just crazy.  I turned my head to look at the new ashtray I had just been given by my wife, who found it at a recent estate sale.   A beautiful, solid, single cigar ash tray made totally from glass.

I picked the ashtray up and held it out in front of me with my cigar still in its smooth channel.  It doesn’t look like a carcinogen.  But according to the FDA, glass, now classified as semi-soft silica, is in fact a liquid and can cause, in some cases, cancer.  It says so right in the ruling on page…381.  But may I paraphrase, as the writers of this bill had diarrhea of the mouth.  Call it legalize.

What the new ban essentially states is this:  Silica can be described as a Class 2 carcinogen due to concluded testing of random glass panels from older homes dating back to the 1800s.  Apparently scientific investigations have been done in such a way that it has come to light that the thickness of the glass in antique window panes is factually thinner at the top than at the bottom, leading the researchers to the deduction that the silica, albeit affected by weather and other climate conditions as to the amount of time it takes to melt, is indeed a thick, viscous liquid that can be considered a threat to our health.  Now I shortened that, so be thankful.

And, it goes on to state that it is a probability that the heat from the cigar ember could in fact, melt the silica quicker causing the ashtray to melt, thus exposing the individual to another cancer causing agent i.e. liquid glass.  It does state that architectural structures, such as homes, buildings etc., with glass panels “once approved” by the FDA will be exempt from the ban.  Further study is needed on whether or not the FDA will include drinking glasses and bottles of beer.  Now, this includes glass smoking pipes too.  So in essence, only non-coated metal ashtrays will be allowed.

Although I am recovering from one of the worse colds to hit me in a long time, I haven’t lost my wits.  Like most of the bill, this is going beyond the call of reality.  It’s hidden so deep in the document that you have to read it very carefully so this portion of Option One is not passed over, as it obviously has been.

I again picked up the ashtray.  I examined its thickness.  Its simplicity.  Its usefulness.  And then I began to feel moisture on my face.  Were those tears in my eyes?  Has the country come to this, where the government has taken away another freedom to protect our health?  The moisture began to feel cool.

“DAD!  DAD!  I’m sorry.”  I shook myself awake. My son was watering the grass and he turned suddenly so that the spray from the hose splashed across my face.  My eyes opened.  Indeed, I had fallen asleep.  I had been having a daydream.  More like a nightmare I would hope never comes true.